Thursday, May 11
why dont you understand that my life is different now. that i have a lot of things on & coordinating/juggling them all takes time and drains me. why cant you see that i do prioritise you and the rest of the family already; why cant you accept me texting my friends so i can settle times and stuff like that properly. why cant you understand that i dont have to go meet my friends tomorrow, i can fail my physics sia and heck care. but i cant because i dont want to disappoint you anymore. why do you have to act like im some kind of prodigal daughter without the 'becoming good' part. why do you have to shout and scream for no reason when i dont talk to you because i dont want us to have a conflict. you've known me for more than 15 years, do you still not know that i dont show love by smiling or i love yous or hugs or kisses. that i am freaking incapable of showing love in any way and that im already trying? that the reason i stress myself out and want to excel in everything is because thats my way of showing my love for you - to make you proud. why dont you understand the reason i sleep 4-5 hours a day (more than enough for some people, but i reckon i need 12 hrs a day) is not because i want to rebel or act cool but because i AM a slow worker but i try to complete my work on time and fit in other things as well. why cant you see how hard im trying and stop picking on my faults? im sorry, but it hurts. and you wont ever know that.
i was green-ed at 10:34 pm