just so green-ed;
((:

Sunday, April 30
the worst is over now,
and we can breathe again
i want to hold you high
you steal my pain away
there's so much left to learn
and noone left to fight
i want to hold you high
and steal your pain;

'broken' - seether.
quite a sweet song, rather old i believe, and SEETHER IS WHINY!

was going to start ranting about how much i do not like analysing unseen poetry. especially not when the poem is by sylvia plath garh! i believe that both poems and prose are meant to be appreciated, enjoyed so we grasp the atmosphere it's meant to weave around us susceptibly. everything is lost if we choose to break it down word, line, stanza. why do we have to approach it with specs (subject purpose emotions craft summary) and its craft by slims (structure language imagery metaphor sounds)? doesnt anyone feel that this completely defeats the purpose of language and art?

it actually doesn't bother me much, language is not my forte anyways. & i can hardly talk about appreciating art hahahaha so nevermind.

am looking for a gamelan cd, tell me if you know where to get one? =) blargh i have nothing actually substantial to say so whatever i'll go off to practice piano. ohoh here's a quote from 'rilla of ingleside', lm montgomery. i was rather amused by it, tis about the war.

'The Germans have recaptured Premysl," said Susan despairingly, looking up from her newspaper, "and now i suppose we will have to begin calling it by that uncivilized name again. Cousin Sophia was in when the mail came and when she heard the news she hove a sigh up from the depths of her stomach, Mrs. Dr.dear, and said, 'Ah yes, and they will get Petrograd next i have no doubt." I said to her, 'My knowledge of geography is not so profound as i wish it was but i have an idea it is quite a walk from Premysl to Petrograd.' Cousin Sophia sighed again and said, 'the Grand Duke Nicholas is not the man i took him to be.' 'Do not let him know that,' said I. 'It might hurt his feelings and he has likely enough to worry him as it is.' But you cannot cheer CousinSophia up, no matter how sarcastic you are, Mrs. Dr. dear. She sighed for the third time and groaned out, 'but the Russians are retreating fast,' and I said 'Well, what of it? They have plenty of room for retreating, have they not?' "

then someone says 'the thought that haunts me night and day is - will the Germans smash Russia completely and then hurl their eastern army, flushed with victory, against the western front?'

'They will not, Miss Oliver dear," said Susan, assuming the role of prophetess. "In the first place, the Almighty will not allow it, in the second, Grand Duke Nicholas, though he may have been a disappointment to us in some respects, knows how to run away decently and in order, and that is a very useful knowledge when Germans are chasing you."

ahh a list of the instruments i wish i knew how to play:
- gamelan
- yangqin
- cor anglais
- dizi
- viola
- angklung (i think my sister wants to learn too!)

i think i'll get an angklung as a birthday present for my sister. but then i was going to get another hamster for her. gah!

and of course, i wish i had perfect pitch and a nice voice. tis quite demoralizing that everyone in music has perfect pitch except yours truly. and that i can strum on the guitar but my voice CMI and i sound like a banshee. sniff. i swear i'd have been tone deaf if ma hadn't made me take up piano.

gah im slacking my life away again. shall go work. see you dears.

- limegreenpiggy.

Saturday, April 29

wow i think this is one of the longest times i've gone w/o blogging (1 week) !

so i have three common tests left - physics, music, ih. that happens to be placed both in order of time it will take place, and the order i expect my marks to be in descendingly. yep. im really going to die for ih ARGH i cannot do sbq to save my brain and my hand will die fr all that writing and im whining so i'll stop.

i think there's something wrong with my lackofsleep-immunity system. some people can not sleep at all lorh, but i just realised how tired i am. have enough self-control to keep awake during class, cca, piano lessons, church, guzheng lessons, when im practicing piano. but when i get on an mrt and lean on something i shut my eyes and start drifting away into the beckoning oblivion called slumber. then i get jerked awake because of my subconscious telling me im falling asleep standing, which equals not good. then like on wednesday, i reached home at about 7.45, ate dinner, took a shower, attempted to read newsweek for a while, then i plonked on the bed, shut my eyes and the next thing i knew it was morning. 9 hours of sleep, i dont know how i managed it. sigh, ohh well im really trying to keep with everything and its not my fault im a slow worker. garh. i know i need more than 4 - 5 hrs of sleep a day, but that's all i can take without owing piles of work or turning up for piano lessons without any improvement and theory lessons without progress which would mean im wasting my parents' money.

but its all a horrible cycle because the lack of sleep i get results in me falling asleep at, say, 10 then i jerk awake at 12.30 to realise i have a lot of work to do, then i do work until 2, and sleep. and broken sleep makes me more sleepy in the end. ladida. but recently i've managed to find ways of effectively using slack class time to do my theory homework! =) and the random long weekends are like second heaven. one lastlast week, one this week.

but despite it all, i can say im happy. very satisfied. being busy makes me feel like i have some sort of worth somehow and that im actually leading a relatively meaningful life. and God's with me all the way whee! and having the little breaks - like watching bits of the chelsea/manu match, like going with erzi to buy flipflops, like buying birthday presents for people, like playing tennis and going bowling with my dad, going to church and worshipping, stuff like having wonderful icecream in the house - are absolutely fantastic and makes everything seem worth it after all. and despite feeling shibai quite often, at least i havent failed anything yet!

& i harth my family, im getting my marimba! GLEES. dont ask me how ill find time to practice, i will. kuz i do believe that as long as you really want to do something, you'll make time to do it. ohoh and my daddy wants an electronic drumset im so amused, he wants me to teach him and says we'll form our very own ensemble, heh.

watched first part of the 'why my vote matters - a dialogue session with mm lee' and although political blogging isn't allowed and stuff but i have to say that some of the reporters in e dialogue session were e rudest arses i've ever seen. especially miss turqoise. felt like slapping them and asking, do you happen to know why you can speak english? why you have jobs? why you have a degree? why you can afford to wear the branded trash you're wearing? you owe it to the man you're facing (lky), dood. i mean im not saying go kowtow to him gratefully or vote for him, but at least have the decency to show some darn respect.

i bought $2 flipflops today!

Saturday, April 22

i've been falling asleep all over e place this week - on the bus, during seminars, when i just flop on the bed not meaning to close my eyes at all. sigh. doesnt bode well, but i really cannot sleep early or anything because three tests next week and lots of work due! actually i think im not TOO bad, i dont sleep in class. or nod off, not even in chem. whoots!

yesterday had napfa 5 items, then yingming, cheronne, jasmine and i went off to kap! it was great, just talking about general things and ranting, etc etc. haha they absolutely rawk. so does sarah cheang who taught me how to do standing broad jump! whee. okay back to the point. then i went back to school, met up with xingyee & yangzi, we stood around with cheronne and melly waiting for 171 to arrive (it took TWENTY MINUTES) and got off at panpacific, xingyee&yangzi bought dinnuh at burger king, and we dashed to esplanade, to realise we weren't late after all!

mrs ho seemed rather shocked that we appeared in school u, the other peeps were dressed in sensible clothes, but ahh well. the concert was quite kool! basically they played beethoven's missa solemnius, and it was awesome YAY I LOVE SSO. it's a choral work, means 'solemn mass', but the irony is that it really isnt very solemn, and its too big a work to be sung in church. SSC and various other choirs sang, and we saw mr tkc (an awesome gep maths teacher in our school who sings bass in SSC), looking bochap as usual. but well. the alto soloist was SOSOSO GOOD! & e double basses were wonderful, i think - i never thought they could be that agile. ladida. nodded off in e first half, stayed awake through e second half! :D

okay reached home at 11.10, showered and hung around for a bit, slept at 12, woke up at 6.30 (WHEE, SIX AND A HALF HOURS OF SLEEP! am elated with that.) then off to mcritchie for cca cip - it was combined cip, so i saw michelle and yangzi and rachel and joelynn there too! YAYERS. was quite okay larh, seriously just walking the 3.2 km distance, i walked with melissa yeo (307, obs watchmate, very tall, pretty, slim) who was much fun. and behind us was pearlynn, patricia, and someone-whose-name-i-have-yet-to-find-out. but twas much fun. then we sat around in a circle and chatted. pearlynn wants to learn salsa with patricia and huijin doesnt mind joining! huijin asked me and im like SPUTTER SPUTTER COUGH SALSA HAHAHA, when i have zeero coordination and negative flexibility.

AND I GOT A PRIZE!! hahaha lucky draw. kitchen now has a oven-toaster thing. i assure you i looked weird carrying it on the bus.

then we finished quite early, about 10? so off on the bus i went, to school. haha reached there right when the reception ended and THERE WAS NO MORE FOOD. but anyways the seminar was soso, quite boring and i tried to sleep but speaker's voice was too blaring and he kept coughing into the mike. bad throat, but quite annoying too. the talk was actually meant for teachers on how to make their lessons etc more interesting, so e other students there were quite amused too.

went home, had lunch, started work on IH presentation, FELL ASLEEP, then woke up with a jerk to realise it was time for guzheng! had guzheng from 4-5, came home, continued IH, played piano from 6-7.10, then dinner! and pa, ma, lorena and i went bowling from like 8 - 10.30ish! so fun, my scores are still depressingly low, but. fun!

okay i'll stop being hyper when im praying just to last until 1 tonight, finish darned IH. then tomorrow i have a lot to do, grrrr. two dangans, maths ws, studying for chemmusicchinese, practice piano, trombone. and there's the synod thing at SIS so it'll take up my time until like 1+. SIGH. also my quads really ache i dontknowwhy, but i seriously wince when i walk down stairs, so if it doesnt get okay by tomorrow i might not be able to play tennis with pa. is pissed.

haode, i'll stop ranting. today i found two new loves of my life -

the smell of bakeries
and
the sounds at bowling places

okay i dont need to elaborate on the smell of bakeries thing, just step into one, one fine day and you'll be enveloped by it whee =). but the sounds at bowling arenas. i think they're so happy, like everybody at bowling arenas are absolutely contented with their lot in life. people normally bowl with family and friends and all the laughter, patsontheback, clapping when there's strikes or spares etc its just so warm and nice! then the people who bowl alone are normally teh pro ones, so you know they're happy bowling. kuz they would have to love bowling to be pro at it. oh whatever.

yes, im not making sense. whee. cant think straight. well off i go anyways, have a lurvely day =)

Thursday, April 20

i am an oxymoron.

i decided to delete the post i wrote just now, because it was rather horrible of me to rant. i dont think i should really rant on blogs - people dont read blogs to hear ranting. at least, i dont think so. and its quite ridiculous of me to rant after i've already ranted about it to yingming. =)

saw this meme on yangzi's LJ and found it quite amusing. basically teh instructions are as follows, there's like 12 months, with adjectives describing the people born in each month, and "1. Pick your birth month.2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.3. Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.4. Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a lj-cut."

but since im doing it here instead of my eljay, i'll just put the 'january' one here. if you want to do it too, tell me your month! will give it to you :). and instead of striking etc etc, i'll just greenbold the ones that apply to me.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

all in all, im not a particularly nice person. ahh well.

Sunday, April 16

i'm obsessing over something
- thats not mine
- that never was mine
- and never will be mine.
but its easier to say 'let go'
than it is to loosen my grip
and its easier to cling onto frail hopes
and imagined reciprocals
than it is to act like
it was merely a passing breeze
coming, only to go
leaving behind a memory
a whiff of fragrance
like footsteps in the sand
blurred by the waves and the wind.

am starting to understand a bit of what that feels like. and before we start speculating the usual random gossip that goes around, note that it says something, not someone. =)

so my nice aqua comp broke down, and im using my old one (which is now my sister's). was waiting for my sister to be done with her gaming so i could get started on the annoying bsp sbq which is worth a whole 20 marks, and cheronne (being a history student and would know this well) says that means we need 9-10 points. ARGH.

to what extent is the movie [ jia3 wu3 feng1 yun2 ] sufficient in explaining the reasons behind China's loss to the Japanese in the jia3 wu3 zhan4 zheng1?

grrr frankly i do not care because the jia wu zhan zheng is practically unknown to the rest of mankind - as jasmine says, its so unknown that it has no english name! and they went to war for crappy reasons (read: a weak emperor under control of a strong empress who, being a woman after all, used the country's money to build a FLOWER GARDEN for herself while her country was falling to ruins.) brilliant, no? it never fails to amuse me how people with such power abuse it in the most miscellaneous of ways.

also, i realise one cannot survive w/o acronyms.

whee these days have been rather good.

and God works in the most wonderful ways even in the minute-est details in one's life. like yesterday while playing tennis, a thingum developed on my left foot - a blister? has no idea what they're called, anyways, what happens when you wear a new pair of shoes. which is quite strange, kuz my shoes aren't new and they're tennis shoes. but it really hurt and i was wincing while strolling to hit the ball (strolling, yes, i couldnt run) and even pulling up my socks to cover it only aggravated it further so i was like ARGH DARN.

then i uttered a quick prayer and tied my shoelaces, then miraculously it didnt hurt half as much and i could RUN! whee. but im getting rusty again, after not playing for a rather long time, so yeah. need to buck up! pa & i are going to start playing weekly and lorena wants to go bowling so we'll do that too! =D i love my family. then we need to start convincing my mum to participate.

but my mum rocks. she says she is all ready to sign the cheque! seriously. ahhh im e happiest person in e world right now and life really kicks much arse. whee! i think i'll have time in about two weeks then we can go down and sign the cheque then my object of admiration&adoration should be delivered within 2 mths HAHAHAHA. try guessing what it is. - gloat -

we live, to prove
love, its existence in shadows
fire, where after the flames have died down
a victorious life emerges
kill, to praise
the magnificence before the destruction
darkness of night,
the deep tunnels of a wolf's eyes
waiting for dawn to arrive,
alone.

haha, guess what the green stuff is too! ps: its not meant to make sense.

functions is so fun. but i cant do coordinate geometry to save my life. or circle properties. ARGH. geometry and VISUAL STUFF is the bane of me, sniff. maths test on tuesday, i really need to get an A this time, i absolutely refuse to go through maths with mere passes of 60. there. i will do it and i will do it well. mugmugmug. will also try to find time hunting down TP scores on the net. grin.

right, off i go to read wulinwaishi which is getting very good! =D but on a parting note:

In Christ alone,
who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones
He came to save
Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

happy Easter sunday everybody!
and isn't it nice
that sometimes when you feel unloved, unwanted,

Friday, April 14

from Isaiah

1:18 - Come now, let us reason together," says the Lord. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."

35:10 But only the redeemed will walk there, and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

its Good Friday.

its going to be 2 in about 12 minutes, and its raining. thunderstorming, in fact. on this day about two thousand years ago, and with weather conditions vaguely the same, Jesus died. there were people below his cross, weeping their souls away. there were two people on crosses beside his, on their way. there was a crowd. people were jeering, people were cheering. some were despaired, some were elated. there were the commoners in their rags, silently crying for their saviour. there were the authorities, heaving a sigh of relief that they'd managed to retain their status. there were women. men. children. elderly. there were people who were once lame, blind, deaf, - some even dead. but at that moment, they could stand, see, hear, live. there were past-sinners, condemned by society and hated by all, but loved by Him. and far away in Potter's field, another soul was hanging himself.

two thousand years down the road, and things havent changed much, have they.

so justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us.
we look for light, but all is darkness;
for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows.
like the blind we grope along the wall,
feeling our way like men without eyes.
at midday we stumble as if it were twilight;
among the strong, we are like the dead.
we all growl like bears; we moan mournfully like doves.
we look for justic, but find none;
for deliverance, but it is far away.

for our offenses are many in your sight
and our sins testify against us.
our offenses are ever with us,
and we acknowledge their iniquities:
rebellion and treachery against the Lord,
turning our backs on our God,
formenting oppression and revolt,
uttering lies our hearts have conceived.
so justice is driven back,
and righteousness stands at a distance;
truth has stumbled in the streets, honesty cannot enter.
truth is nowhere to be found,
and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey.
(Isa 59:9-15)

for everything.
especially for today
for the cross
the three nails
the crown of thorns
the whipping
the humiliation and agony and pain
the words uttered
for God's forgiveness of our sins
for you -

thank you, Jesus.

Thursday, April 13

why buses pwn mrts

1) its cheaper for fulltime students. try beating 45 cents flat rate, and even cheaper if you take consecutive buses within half an hour or something of the sort i dont pretend to understand.

2) its more er, stable. you lose your balance but you dont jerk in all 360 degrees.

3) no matter how crowded a bus, you can always look out of the windows. now mrts, are different. when its REALLY peak period, all you see are bodies.

4) you see more than bodies, you see things you dont want to see. (refer to my entry written on saturday) most of the time this means overly-passionate couples acting unaware of the fact that they are in a crowded environment where people have trouble just standing and do not appreciate having to see, er. things!

5) after peak period, mrts retain the unpleasant smell - normally of shoes, sweat and perfume. buses, on the other hand, don't.

6) bus interchanges, no matter how huge, are easy to go through. just like er walk and you'll find the bus that you want to take. now compare this to places like dhoby ghaut interchange, where you have to go up down left right north south east west just to get to the train you want. even if you're just following signboards. or maybe its just me, and having no sense of direction.

7) you can eat at the bus stop while waiting for your bus to come.

8) you can talk to bus drivers - who're mostly very nice people.

9) everytime i decide to take the looong way back from orchard to bukit batok ( long way meaning i dont need to change mrt) the bus i take TERMINATES AT YISHUN. always. (prob kuz of the time i take = around 7 ) now see, that never happens in the case of a bus. so far, that is.

10) buses come in double decker =)

11) when at the busstop with a group of friends, you can wait for a whole bunch of buses while your friend can only take one bus. thusly, you ge the chance to gloat. this is definitely not the case in mrt situation.

12) in mrts, one often comes across selfish prats plonking their arses down on the floor, a group of them SITTING IN A CIRCLE with all their bags/sports equipment in the centre like a campfire. while people around them politely compress around them. grrr.

okay i cant think of anymore.

monday music test, tuesday 2.4 run and maths test, thursday chinese-lit test, friday napfa other 5 items. doom, death, destruction. thank goodness theres a nice long-ish weekend for me to prepare & all. God please do give me perseverance (i have the feeling i spelt that wrongly) for the three days, and the good judgment to balance a bit of fun, a lot of work.

anyways, list of things to do during the weekend. this is minus off all the Easter meditation, worship and stuff.

- play tennis with pa
- go bowling with pa and lorena
- mug for music
- study for maths, understand coordinate geometry
- practice piano for at least 4 hrs in total
- buy drumsticks (2 sets)
- do lit review for an article (SMP)
- check out price of marimba in yamaha
- finish unfinished work
- burn a copy of melissa's physics cds
- do something to fix up the computer
- read up on waves and whatnot.
- eat (a lot!) at the pasar malam thingum outside west mall
- write zuowen for SIA
- do the SBQ for BSP argh.
- finish report draft for maths

whee which means i really need to work. hard. sniff.

Monday, April 10

spirit touch your church
stir the hearts of men
revive us, Lord
with your passion once again
i want to care for others
like Jesus cares for me
let your rain fall upon me
let your rain fall upon me -

nostalgia.

of dancing figures -
songs suggesting deja vu
people you meet
stop and stare,
you've seen them before.

gossip. teasing.
the laughter of the time
familiar people, different year
different date, month
the same names
gathered at a mcdonald's table

remember the time -
when he broke my racquet
when she cried
the concert we messed up.
the most likely to succeed
the smartest, the fool-arounds

how we've changed -
fatter, taller.
mellow, cynical - complacent?
ugly ducklings now swans

memories that remain
or perhaps, are slowly lost
like rain that trickles
from the roof into drains

of course
we laugh everything off
jokes. relate stories.
experiences of the like

the time that's gone
fails to return
5 years older, sitting
around the same table -
but the table is new.
repainted, polished

the tree in school repotted
vanished name carvings
renovated, revamped grounds
can't find our way -
we're lost as we turn
round and round again
only to face each other

and realise
we dont look the same
5 years ago.
scrutiny, we notice
the differences that cannot be bridged

we part, smilingly
vowing to do this sometime again
- knowing we wouldn't.

we've too much going on
we simply havent the need
or time
or energy
or space in our hearts
for the hidden tears
when we grasp
that what's gone doesnt return.

disclaimer: this isnt a poem. just ... ramblings.

Saturday, April 8

two things i saw today:

1) cheeyang! well he's a person. anyways he was in cineleisure same time as sarahjoannalynette and me! he walked diagonally past us quite quickly and was gone out of sight rather soon, BUT. there were 4-5 girls around him TRAILING around him like despos so it was not very pleasant. like, have some pride, people! i mean he's cute and all, but dont stick to him in such a pathetic way.

2) a couple. very scandalous, er, how do i say this. open-minded? the guts to show affection. which actually isnt too bad, i always find myself right in front of couples nearly making out in mrts (which is one of the reasons i dont really like mrts.). i wouldn't have been too disturbed by this particular couple, except for the fact that they were both female. ARGH. its very that one leh, and i saw them from the mrt station until up the mrt for a few busstops. my gosh i dont think they stopped kissing.embracing.leaning2cmawayfromeachother.talking to each other while staring into each other's eyes and mouths 5 mm apart. really, i felt my goosebumps rising to record high. so maybe its common now and all that, but then maybe im just a close-minded conservative un-liberal (whats the proper prefix?) person. =D

hahaha i crap so much on my blog its QUITE amusing. like i was reading through my past few entries and im like wahpiang how come i can talk so much and say so little for the tiniest little insignificant details!

this quote is teh cute, by douglas adams (unknown) - " life is like a grapefruit. it's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast. " should add that it can be sweet or sour depending on what you compare it to.

then the saddish one: "life is the call not yet made to the woman who lost her man in Iraq."

GAH I GET BETTER AT TALKING CRAP DAY AFTER DAY.

Friday, April 7

interesting things to note.

my parents have spent a bomb on my piano lessons and pianos etc since i was 6? and well, fact is (and i dont think they realise), i have no flair for it. i can work hard at it, but i'd be nothing compared to some people who merely touch the keyboard once a week - during their lesson. sniff. its quite sad not having the talent. ahh well. and i very nearly quit it forever, two fateful years ago. sigh.

as i said before, it shall merely be a skill.

will be going to rgs for some chinese talk tomorrow. feel a bit of the irony here - people of the chinese high family going to the raffles family for a chinese talk. its a gep thing, and its DARN LONG, 7.30 - 1.30 , gah. although i do think there're refreshments =D.

yesterday, while on the bus and chatting with tianyuan, i was standing in relatively close proximity to a hci guy and girl. and they were having a rather animated conversation loud enough to reach people within a 3 metre radius. note, this is on the bus.

and guess what they were talking about! yep. geppers.

all i can assume is that the two of them are most probably not from the gep secondary schools - seeing their horribly twisted-gnarled-ridiculous conceptions. first of all, they say that geppers are smart. well to quote it in their words: the geppers, horh, damn smart one. in class, only they know answers. you see people get full marks, the teachers like one lah! is definitely gepper. silently amused, tianyuan and i stopped our convo for a while to listen to them.

(note here: ty isn't a gepper, and even she was amused by their total crap.)

everyone knows geppers arent SMART as in brain-smart-iq-over-160 kind of smart. we're just taught to be different. and the current state of geppers in nanyang ip, sec 3, we arent doing very well at all. we're gifted, sure, whatever. but so is the rest of the homosapien population. gep's a bond, an identity - just like i would say im Christian, and how people from track/basketball etc would say so. something we're proud of being, but we dont look down on other people because they dont have this identity. its not some stupid elite clique with unpenetrable doors - glares at the writers of that article in today which was written a while ago and caused the wrath of many -.

but back to the point. next thing the two hci-ans said that made me really tempted to smack my files on their heads - although they WERE rather tall - was: geppers are despised. really leh. you see people walk around, then you ask the nanyang girls or hwa chong guys, all the mainstreamers say they hate geppers lor. say the geppers very stuckup.

rolls eyes. more clues they've never actually interacted with a group of geppers. despised. maybe we're despised - but only by people like you, darling. okay i shall stop with the ego. i dont think we're despised - there is absolutely zilche reason for us to be despised.

i dont think we act stuck-up and ELITIST - glares once more at TODAY - , that is, go walking around the halls of nanyang, do you see random people sticking their noses up in the air and walking haughtily, looking down at you? do you see people strutting down corridors, pushing others out of the way, acting regal and idiotic? do you overhear conversations from TEH ELITES talking about how the world should ban mainstreamers? do you hear them talk about mensa iq questions? (no, you hear them gushing over cute hci-ans in campus superstar.)

"they only stick around themselves lorh. the other people not good enough for them." and we are oftenly accused of sticking around within the gep cohort only. well, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT US TO DO, MAN? we've known most of each other since primary four, thanks to all the gep events and the limited number of schools we can come from. our classes are small, we bond easily, we're given different teachers. just like you bond with the people in your class, then you change class every year, so every year your friends-list gets longer. and longer. and longer. but us, we stick to the same cohort. we are amongst ourselves every year, so duh we hang around each other!

but of course, that is not the case anymore. ip makes us all one big happy family ( to put it in the cliche, spastic-sounding way ). and then there's cca mates. obs-friends. seniors. juniors. friends' friends' acquaintance's friend. and so on and so forth. and we're gradually dissipating, and jc will make us all 'equal' once more in that sense, but please, as if we werent equal before. we're no more recognized as the gep classes, or gep individuals. so seriously, whats your problem?

anyways, my point to that girl and that guy in the 174 bus on thursday, sometime between 6.15-6.45, is that, if you want to say anything bad, or even discuss a relatively sensitive issue, be aware that the bus is three quarters filled with ny and chinese high people, thusly, there is a possibility that there might be a gepper there. think, my dears, think.

this is such an old topic i cant believe i've wasted my time discussing it.

theres something terribly wrong with my lackofsleep immune system. today is the second day in a row (out of 4 days) i have managed to fall asleep in front of the computer while doing work, and stay asleep for more than an hour. this does not bode well. darnnit.

Wednesday, April 5

im too obsessed.
(haha, with what or who, i shall not tell. go figure!)

i dont think i'll ever regret taking chinese lit because it really is so much fun. as in, science is absolutely wonderful with all its facts and stuff, but chinese lit forces one to think in that lateral way. anyhows! todays quite packed with work, so will tomorrow be, so i dont think i'll be free to blog. hmph. i'll miss hearing myself rant, so i've decided to forgo a few minutes and type this instead.

so yeah im in a good mood. today, went for the talk at nus, about how to write a scientific report properly. was quite okay except the speaker's actually incharge of srp (science research programme, jc level) so he was not very pleased with the general unresponsiveness of the srp cohort this year.

anyways, was quite interested in taking srp for applied science in jc at first, but after hearing the guy talk today i've quite changed my mind. srp is actually considered a H3 subject larh! where got such thing. means that its actually graded and all, which is quite annoying. and i still haven't figured out what the dif between H1 and H2 and H3 is. except that H2 is core. hmph.

- flurries off to check ny's and hci's websites -

oh, quoting ny, H2 = rigour of A levels maintained. H1 = half the time of H2, designed to cater for different needs. H3 = H2 and H3 to be offered in same subject. SOMEBODY EXPLAIN THIS PLEASE. curriculum time, 1/2 to 3/4 of the time of H2, to be taken only in J2. so confusing. i wonder if people take more than 4 subjects. like maybe 3 H2s and 2 H1s or something. gah complicated, really.

got the forms for end of year programme. we need to make 3 choices, and i cant think of the third one! darn.

1) regional cip - vietnam
2) china attachment programme

3) student exchange (shenyang)? or exchange programme to the western countries? except thats too expensive. GAH.

whee! okay shall not worry too much, and go back to doing c-lit work. which is loads of fun, seriously. bonesetter's daughter lies abandoned in my bag, to rot.

Tuesday, April 4

But pain...seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like time, is going to come on regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain? - Lois McMaster Bujold, Barrayar, 1991.

hm. that quote does raise a rather interesting point.

and i think im a really shallow blogger who talks about the most boring details of my life.

anyways, argh. ow. my right arm muscle at the top i always forget what its called, is doing that thing it always does, AGAIN. just that its slightly different today, i cant write for more than 15 minutes without stretching for a bit, then i continue writing again. kuz it hurts. sniff. i really should get it checked and see whats wrong with it lorh. i dont think its just muscle cramping anymore ... feels rather different. ohh wells.

yesterday while watching the watoto choir video, i figured out the perfect and ideal job, which i would seriously love to do - but unfortunately, i doubt im good enough in music to do it. basically, major in music teaching or something in a uni, then instead of working for MOE and teaching schoolchildren in that sense, it'd be nice if i could teach the underprivileged - orphan homes, convicts, etc. i'd really love working with convicts if i could but then i think there're other people doing that already.

doesnt it sound like such an awesome job? but i dont really have any gift in music, (not that i HAVE a gift in anything, fact is), so it would be quite hard. kuz majoring in music would require going to overseas universities, etc etc. SIGH. so i guess its back to doing some physics thing and maybe volunteer lorh. whee! doesnt sound too bad either, actually. quite fun!

OHOH I FINISHED BIAN CHENG LANG ZI! yes its such a darn good book and there're so many awesome twists in the ending. ahh, and all the characters in the book are so so so kool. but well now i can concentrate on reading bonesetter's daughter for a bit. though i hate reading novels simply because they're compulsory lit texts.

oh and we got back our unseen poem timed trial today, AND I ACTUALLY PASSED WHEE! and whats better is, it was mirror by guess who? sylvia plath. would've guessed the teachers would use a psychotic, neurotic poet's poems. i mean i mean im not attacking sylvia plath as a person BUT I REALLY CANT STAND HER POEMS. doesnt like poems that have underlying meanings about two thousand floors underground and you need to dig. and dig. and DIG. to find the darn meaning and usually its entirely far-fetched and ridiculous. but i actually managed to pass one of SYLVIA PLATH's unseen poems! my gosh life rawks. though admittedly i didnt pass well at all.

(on the sidenote, we're studying some modern poetry in chinese lit and its loads of fun.)

oh well, 8 o'clock in 3 mins. so shall blog abit more until the 3 mins is up and i start practicing pianoh. i've decided not to read bonesetter's daughter anymore, simply because i dont think its one of amy tan's better books, and also because i generally dont like it as our lit text. shall go online sometime and read summaries/reviews. so right now im gonna read wu-lin-wai-shi, another absolutely wonderful book by gu long, yep its wuxiaxiaoshuo and harthed most deeply by yours truly!

roasted peanuts and cheesy nachos,
- alena.

Monday, April 3

sometimes, its nice to just sit back and count your blessings, one by one.

Sunday, April 2

to add more colour to the post, meet the loves of my life! boonhian and jay.

gregory said something to me about the nanyang girls he knows being all-rounded and that the school grooms us well. whee! maybe. im obviously an exception to point number 1, because im more of the barely-above-average kind for everything, but i agree with point number 2! haha nanyang really rocks larh. we dont always get good teachers, but all our teachers really care for us! and there's something about the "qi-li", "xing-li" and the bowing to teachers as they pass that really gets instilled into us. everyone changes when they come to nygh - for the better! haha im so terribly biased and subjective.

anyways! was thinking about the whole thing regarding elite schools and neighbourhood schools and top schools and SAP schools yesterday. then started thinking about how people often say that students from top schools feel elitist and act stuck-up with people from neighbourhood schools. and today i've been sort of reviewing my actions and the way i talk and i have the horrid feeling that although i dont feel that im better than others at all ( because, in fact, i always feel im undeserving of gep and nygh and ip and whatnot ), i act in certain ways and say certain things which could give people a very wrong idea.

sigh. must change must change! somehow.

caramel apples and banana splits,

- alena.

Saturday, April 1

"we cross our bridges when we come to them, and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once, our eyes watered." Tom Stoppard [Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead]

that is an absolutely gorgeously spiffy quote.

anyways! im actually doing work. WORK. which is quite a big deal because i normally dont do work on saturdays. so yeah. its all quite kool, but i really dont intend on sleeping this weekend, thanks to this:

- chinese mindmap and jian-bao
- functions mindmap
- IH SIA proposal completely refined and perfected
- IH assignment research on the impacts of the Holocaust
- physics lens formula exercise
- to make the maths ppt presentation by collating research from sian, ronnie and melusng.
- rewrite zuowen which i failed very badly
- music: finish composing worksheet
- theory homework: 4 pages of completing chords
- copy out chinese lit homework because i forgot to bring my file last lesson.
- design survey for IH SIA

it actually isnt very much. im just a slow worker.

so anyways! yesterday after school, being free for once, i went to jurong point with erzi! which means yingming, for the ignorant. it was all quite fun, but JP is starting to get a bit boring. went to toys r us and whatnot to ogle at soft cuddly toys and we ended up buying glow in the dark thingums (flying pigs for me, surprise surprise), stickers, and i bought a headrest bean cushion for my parents. there's this lime green star shaped beanie that im eyeing which costs $6.90! and this cow which is lying stomachdown and has its hindlegs kicked up in the air like how i used to lie when reading.

then today, i met up with yangzi for lunch at west mall, then we went off to school for the piano recital thingum! (as i told yangzi, e implementation of the 5 day week has no effect whatsoever.) learnt quite a lot about the different techniques, george crumb is such a kool composer, the way he puts in hitting the metal stick thing with a yarn mallet to create the funkiest effects. and pizzicato on a piano! talk about interesting. spent $8 on a ticket to a performance which is in june i think, at VCH, should be quite kool, the performer is the same woman who presented and played for us today - lee something something. anyways shes considerably young but she already has her doctorate in uni of michigan for piano.

sniff.

after which i rushed home, grabbed my books and went for guzheng. then came back again to sit around and finally have time to kool off. dinner was great, cream sauce chicken pasta which was quite reasonable from bukit timah food centre, and chinchow! i've had three portions of chinchow today, for some strange reason, lunch dinner and before guzheng.

right. and i also realised i havent touched my guitar in almost three weeks so i picked it up today and strummed for a bit. and now here i am, relating the horribly boring activities of my day to you. soon will be going off to play piano. i think im starting to get the routine into my system, which is good. one hour piano a day. soon i'll try to incorporate 15 mins guzheng a day!

whee! and i finally found out the price of my dream marimba. THREE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED! sigh, talk about annoying. and not even the slightest offer. ma and pa said they will subsidize half the price if i really want it, but one thousand eight hundred isnt a very nearby goal either. i think i currently only have like 500 in my account. darnnit. maybe i'll discuss paying by instalments.

alena. girl. christian.
and God rawks my life!
ccm. peps. nyps.
yciss. nygh.
14 Jan 1991
LIMEGREENPIGGY!
WUXIA STUFF!
complicated.fickle.
eating. shopping.
cards.sleeping.
AZN PRIDE, woot!
watching tennis.
head nano ti. s4/s1!
piano. guzheng. guitar.
music in general
singing in e shower.
pigs & cows whee!
food. food. more food.
QUIKSILVER.
pinkworm readingclub.
linkin park. jj.
fir. energy.
mahjong. fruits.
grey, silver, green

shoutouts.

((:

[my lj!]
[anastasia]
[amanda]
[amanda tan]
[brenda]
[carol]
[catherine]
[ck]
[chanyi]
[cheronne]
[claire]
[davina]
[eugenia]
[feesh]
[fishie]
[huiyi]
[jackson]
[jasmine]
[jayne]
[jiawei]
[jocelyn]
[kitleng]
[kristin]
[kris' piczo!]
[liann]
[li-en]
[liza]
[louise]
[lynette]
[melissa]
[melody]
[michelle]
[noreen]
[rachel]
[renee]
[sarah]
[sufen]
[vanessa]
[vanessa heng]
[weili]
[yuechin]
[yingming]


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