Wednesday, March 1
splurged on a WoW Worship CD which has 30 songs . am listening to refiner's fire, which is very nice indeed!
the feeling of inadequacy is eating at me again. i think it comes together with the 'overachieving' streak, which has somehow been found from within the marrows of my bones. it was lost for, i dont know, almost four years? and now its here again. grrrsh.
but the fact is, overachieving four years ago is nothing compared to what it is now. when i try to work hard @ something, i see people beating me effortlessly. when i don't study at all, i see the muggers beat me. and i dont know which feeling is worse.
yeah. how pratty and pissifying, i know. anyways. i talked to swayn about this whole overachiever streak thingum, and she said she'd pray for me and all. thanks darl. i've been praying a lot for this already, like how to put God more first in my life than caring about my grades, but well. i guess i need more help!
whooph. was talking to jayne and jasmine as we pranced along orchard today. decided that jack neo should really film a movie about students in top schools instead of the normaltech students or whatever. kuz the fact is, while people have plenty of sympathy for the so-called underdogs, they only know how to set expectations for us. and think that we're stuckup prats.
i mean, i've been i dont know how to say, teased and pai-d by even CHURCH people for being a nanyang girl. like its a permanent label. nanyang girl. fact is there's about FIVE nanyang people in our church so i dont see the big deal.
they also dont realise that it is, in fact, people from good secondary schools that have the lower self-esteem. same issue as the whole gep thingum. goodness.
read jasmine's post, about bsp and her rants. i agree with a part of it - that we should be judged on a subject by passion, not marks.
anyways, lotsa people are starting to pick up drums/guitar! hahahaha is reminded of yciss yr 9 days. a great deal of fun indeed. but i dont get the craze, that is, it seems like a passing fad. i know its a horrible thing to say, but yeah, thats just it. the only person i've seen so far who really really seems to care would be jasmine. yeah, her. with the kind of reqing that is found when a person has been useless all his life suddenly finds something he's good at, and he pursues it with all his energy. and he excels. whee!
does playing the drums or guitar really make a person any kooler? because i dont see that.
anyhowdies. thank you muchly lynette! for helping me think of a topic to write about lol. harths. except i dont really know how to go around doing it, but ahh well.
- refiner's fire, my heart's one desire, is to be holy, set apart for you.
i was green-ed at 9:24 pm
