Saturday, January 14
" a ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. " - William Shedd.
im fifteen, oh yeah.
the number seems so alien to me right now, but OH WELL WHO CARES. i've been 15 for almost e whole day! wootz. as i told lynette though, i dont feel any different except that i can start learning how to drive in TWO YEARS, count that seven hundred & thirty days! if my maths doesnt fail me, i think thats correct. and it ALSO means that i have 2 weeks to get my ic done or else i get mauled by e ministry of something. manpower perhaps. or education. nope cant be. oh wait immigration & checkpoints authority. says so on the envelope telling me to go get my ic.
talking about being mauled by ministries, i really need to brag about my most wunnerful birthday present. given to me by chanyiclairelouiseliannyuechinmelly. six people & so cheapo harh give me present that didnt cost them anything! hahaha but i love it. basically its a bus plate thing, apparently they were in a double decker bus & somehow managed to steal e plate that says what number e bus is. so i currently have a 154 sign in my room, which says HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALENA at the back of it. how amusing! but seriously, its a great present.
so today eating @ tekka was pretty great, then roaming around, getting my QUIKSILVER PENCIL CASE (!!) & stuff. then nice nice people texting to wish me happy birthday!
ladida, i know its my birthday so its a joyous occasion & all that, but well i decided to be a guaikia & do some FANXING-ING. so for now i'll be a bit ... non-hyper and non-cheerful. maybe even slightly angsty. SIGH. i do hate angst so very much, but i do get angsty. thanks to my temper which i STILL am unable to control fully.
so yesterday @ piano lesson, i sat at the piano. [duh] and ms foo asked me to play my nocturne in e minor. & i felt slightly well, nervous, kuz i cannot play it for shit. then while i fumbled my way through e left hand notes & basically sight-read through e rest, i found myself really pissed @ myself.
why couldn't i play the stupid piece?! i've been learning it for what, 2.5 mths, & im no better than when i started. & e worst thing is, e piece isnt difficult. its just tedious. which means all i have to do is tinkle away for about half an hour a day and i would've been able to master it in 1.5 mths. but no, 2.5 months on, and im still playing absolute crap.
so that was when i started to feel shibai. then when i got on the mrt to go back home, i was thinking through everything i have in my life that's important to me, and i feel shibai. very darned shibai.
firstly, for my QT. there're TWENTY FOUR hours in a day, & somehow i cannot spare e time to do QT properly. a rushed 10 minutes most of e time, before my eyelids crash down. why?! why is it i cant even single out a good 20 minutes to half an hour for God, when i can linger in front of e TV & watch CHANNEL EIGHT DRAMAS for an entire hour?
then, tennis. i love tennis, i really do. im not that great @ it, not very good @ all, in fact. but the least i could do is turn up for training right?! but i dont. in fact, i've been ponning since e end of december. & i have no excuses, tired, busy, blah blah. kuz im not. i come home & slack away my life. or my sit in e library under e pretense of reading science journals. which i am, but which is more important, training - a commitment i make, or reading science journals - in a manner that seems more like im reading 8days or something.
after which, school. im not stupid, im not slow. that much can be said. im not currently very busy, kuz SMP & CIP isnt all settled yet so i have two afternoons free until february starts. so i have THAT MUCH TIME, & do i practice piano? or guzheng? do i do QT? nope. i go to coro, i eat & play cards. on e first day of school, i got to bugis & raffles city, for gawshs sake. i pon cca. & i say i want to be a good student this year, or @ least try to be. we've only had one official piece of work so far, maths, my strongest subject. & guess what? i dont do it but go to school & KOPE FROM JAYNE. & i didnt even feel guilty.
everything i put as central in my life, is ALREADY falling into ruins. & we're not even halfway through e first month of e darned year. i seriously have no idea how i became so shibai. GARH.
gosh i need help. so off to pray i go.
i really need to set new resolutions for my 15 year old onwards life. & i seriously need to plan my time WISELY. okay so my future life is that fr mon-fri, i'd probably be done with activities by 6, reaching home by 6.45, then showering, eating, etc by 7.30. which means i have from 7.30 all the way to about 1. so that makes it FIVE AND A HALF HOURS A DAY. take away about half for time with God, so that makes it five. take away another hour for piano, so its FOUR HOURS. see, i actually have that much time in my life to work on SIAs & homework & whatnot so i absolutely have no reason to say i cannot complete my work.
yep, settled.
OHOH but first here are some inspirational quotes from famous people which i koped from cheronne's council book & old nanyang diary & stuff lizzat.
" an eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind. " - Ghandhi.
" do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. " - Ralph Waldo Emerson
" the harder you fall, the higher you bounce. " - unknown.
i was green-ed at 11:51 pm
