& isnt life just beeyooteefool

Saturday, October 29

yohoho and a bottle of rum!

my life doesn't revolve around anything. it merely rotates on its axis. that's kinduf sad, really. as in i don't have anything in particular that i live for. nothing that i truly care about so much i'd give up everything for it. SIGH.

lit sem today wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. the play thingums were amusing, especially RI's first one, w the kelian little dude having to act as portia tan. TAN. lol. AND i liked the matrix-looking ppl who were behind the 'black rapper'. yes. and of course, i particularly enjoyed the food as well as the playing of bridge. triple cheers. oh yes, and all rise rawkz.

was fangirling lynette's knees, elbows, hair, and grin today. she probably got annoyed. SORRY!! & i really need to learn how to deal cards properly.

ya know, i just realised i have an entire two months of extremeth boredom with absolutely zilche to do. two months! i'll probably do as much of nyaa as i can. i'm so absolutely pleased w my mum kuz she's being awesome these days. like she was pleased with my 66% average (WOOT) and said i'm allowed a non-materialistic award (she just knew i was going to ask for money) so i told her to let me change my holiday table-tennis lessons to tennis ones! yay. and she agreed. and we're going to play mahjong later SHE SUGGESTED IT. offers lots of hugs and kisses. i'm going to try appreciate as much of this good mood as is possible, before my sister's results come out.

and guzheng lesson today rocked too, i'm starting to love it. my sister broke one of the guzheng's strings but ahh well it wasnt a middle one so nvm. the string looks rather hilarious dangling there though.

have got brandy's another day in paradise stuck in my head now. it's a lurvely song!

edit; later @ 10.59.

guess what. new delhi got bombed. when are the terrorists going to stop? why, what is the point of killing so many people. does it give them pleasure, or a sense of power. no religion teaches to kill. not any one that i know of. all of these people, their deeds. they have no purpose, no motive, no aim. they just want the momentary feeling of prowess. do they really believe their god will give them a onewayticket to paradise if they kill - no, i don't think so. they do it not for their gods, but for themselves. their stupid selfish reasons.

i almost think i'd prefer war to this. at least in war, everybody's out in the open. and its clear who's in danger. everyone suffering, together. not one party suffering and the other person, mocking and enjoying himself as he goes high. no, its not fair and there must be reasons.

who do the terrorists want to kill. the rich, the affluent. but who do they attack, the poor countries, incapable of defending themselves. bali first, now new delhi. they are not selectively killing, nope. they're wiping out. as if the world is not teetering on the edge of survival already. consider the tsunami, earthquakes, global warming, harsh winters. no, we can accept those, they're natural happenings, things we cannot stop, things nobody has control over. nobody is to be blamed, for another's death. but terrorism. is a person's, or a group's choice to commit murder, many times over.

its just a question i want to pose to the terrorists. the bombers. the apparently faithfully trusting in whatever god people. why. why are you doing this, harming humanity, harming the world, harming yourself. are you going to use nuclear weapons next. mass destruction. you wont be spared yourself. i assure you of that. why. explain yourself. give yourself excuses. try to get us to understand the reasons behind your killing.

and when you're done, you'll have the choice of either dying of hunger, dying of thirst, dying of heat, dying of pain, dying of cold. they won't be nice. and you'll look ugly on your deathbed. you wont get a coffin. or be burnt. we'll let you in the wild. so hyenas and hawks can feed on you. at least in the end you'll be of some use to the planet.

hey, i'm offering a choice. and its so much more then what you did to all those other people. be thankful. go pray to your god who apparently blesses you on your mass murder. i'll stand by and watch. and laugh.

i was green-ed at 8:20 pm

Wednesday, October 26

randomly interesting facts
- i have a crush on damien! (as in yingming's character) he has the most awesome way of walking i swear.
- i enjoy sticking white roses in my hair.
- i enjoy sticking white roses in other people's hair. annoying as it may be. im SORRY!
- i cant deal cards w/o losing the nine of hearts, or giving people 14 or 12 cards.
- ' harry ' turned out quite alright! i mean garytang didnt seem to slam too much right?
- i like and i actually FIT INTO suaku's berms!!
- leaps stands for - leadership enrichment achievement participation service!
- I AM STILL AWFULLY PISSED @ prettyboy, who is a pain in the arse, & everywhere else.
- just realised garytang remembers ppl & remarks on ppl by their ccas.
- i had, of ALL SONGS, the national anthem stuck in my head today.

i hate it when people make assumptions. based on ... nothing. sometimes they're not bad assumptions, but its just plain freaking annoying. sorry, but that's what you did. i don't think you realised or were aware that you did it. im not blaming you, or ranting at you. its just that maybe you could ask before you assume. get facts before you say something you think is true about me but which most probably is not. im not as easy to read as i make myself out to be. im sorry for sounding as if im pissed. really, im not. and im not telling you off, i have no right to. i just feel that i deserve some sort of respect, maybe, that you don't judge me based on some "facts" that you made up. seriously. im sorry.

tomorrow, need to wake up early and be @ school for flagraising again. sigh, in a way i dont want school to end, i dont mind it being like that, having one or two hours of weird pointless activities, and the rest of the time to either play tennis or cards. beats staying @ home doing nothing.

hakuna matata!

i was green-ed at 10:07 pm

Monday, October 24

hmph i was very rude today!
well not really but sort of.

so the story goes, i went online @ around 6.30 ish? chatted to a few people then went for dinner @ around 7. after which i came back upstairs and changed my status back to ONLINE. then i decided my headache was killing me and plopped down to the invitingness of my bed. and i slept. was planning it to be a five minutes relief. but it ended up being a more-than-2-hour sleep!!

oh gawsh i woke up @ 10.10 and was like HUH ITS MORNING ALREADY?! and then i heard the familiar whirring of my messed up computer and was like AAAAHH i turned it on the whole night!! rushing to the computer, with the intention of turning it off before i donned on my nanyang pe tshirt and took my packets of chrysanthemum tea & sugarcane. however when the screen came back to life, i had 7 convos and i was like FREAK.

thus i opened them. most of the people had talked to me like @ 8 plus and i had never replied!! so here i am offering a giant apology to all those sufferers of rude behaviour on my part. be rest assured it will not happen again too many times.

talking of which, i reckon im catching a cold. my nose won't stop running and the headache persists. ahh well cold will be healed with the running around in the lovely sunshine getting red, or getting pale in my case. wootz!

ps. oh yes council elections. 212 had the funkiest speeches ever!!

i was green-ed at 10:39 pm

Friday, October 21

wow, more tennis.

uhuh. today's tennis however would probably be counted as much more constructive. except i feel bad practicing serving when chanyi, yuechin & jayne were there. and volleying. & all that. & i am thoroughly confused by what exactly the coach thinks, thus shall not ask but be thick-skinned and go again on tuesday for... more trying out?!

my mum seems more enthu in me joining table tennis, no idea why. i mean i have a nice tennis racquet and the lessons in tennis were so much more expensive i really don't see why. and i simply LIKE tennis more, its so much more interesting than just running around a table.

i have also developed and matured a sock line, sleeve line, and short line. WOOT! in case you're wondering, i'm referring to the suntanning one receives from playing tennis @ noontime. its wonderful, tans are LURVE. as i said, WHO CARES ABOUT SKIN CANCER. my mum was quite disapproving when she saw my reddish cheeks and my slightly darker skin. but ahh well.

smp DARGH so annoying made me run up and down and into science staff room goodness knows how many times. and i still didnt find tanboonhian. sandytan is really nice though she didnt mind late admissions! and i kinduf really want to do smp kuz i can't do hssrp or any of the other thingums.

sometimes i feel insecure, like im doing a lot of things wrong. like i don't have anything im particularly good at. like i destroy what i've been painfully building up so far, only to start again because thats the only space i have and the only way to go further is up, until it crashes down again. like someone is watching from far and mocking everything i do.

right. i told myself never to blog about things like that. shall stop now.

read rudyard kipling's if again, the poem everyone knows. he puts too many expectations that are way too harsh on people, i don't know anybody who can fulfil more than two of those requirements. but here are some lines i think are the most beautiful things that can be found in any soul.

If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

i was green-ed at 9:20 pm

Wednesday, October 19

tennis is love; and i can't juggle.
and wow i'd do just about anything to have lynette's serve. drool.

HAHAHA well today tennis was fun, well wasnt really tennis we were kinda just goofing around with the racquets & t balls. but twas quite fun anyways although tiring. and oh gawsh i have fallen for playing tennis in e rain.

so hmph, history was terrible, geog was average, and LIT OMGAWSH IM SO HAPPY W LIT BECAUSE I FREAKING PASSED!!! & sci was ok too. i like the sac, nice aircon. only i have no idea how we're like supposed to survive for the next week. like hello no lessons and we're expected to be there everyday, 7.30 to 2.30. pfffft.

rehearsals were ok, only i wasnt in the mood. i really don't think prettyboy did the right thing. shan't elaborate too much on that.

shall go to the choa chu kang library tomorrow to return books, and borrow more , wootz. then i'll have nothing to do so i'll just hang around doing nothing as usual. i want a new schoolbag actually. a haversack that's really low. i've seen some really nice adidas ones yep.

today also kinda reminded me that i need a LOT MORE PRACTICE on my tennis. sigh.

i was green-ed at 7:59 pm

Monday, October 17

So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

Love is the red of the rose on your coffin door
What's life like, bleeding on the floor

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
You wanna follow something
Give me a better cause to lead
Just give me what I need
Give me a reason to believe

its the typical blog topic, thus i shall blog about it.
english 62, chinese 72.5, maths 73.

I PASSED ENGLISH YAY!!!!
you won't believe how elated i am. english is my absolute flunkiest subject.
of course maths was rather depressing, considering the fact that its supposed to be my strongest subject. but i think i got over it as tkc was going over question 1 of ppr 2. i mean must thank God already for letting me pass lar! and i can't really ask for more, truth is i didn't study or practice much, and i simply suck compared to the pros here, so its probably A LOT MORE than i deserved.

thus i have a total of 2+12.5+13 marks above 60
which adds up to 27.5 marks i can fail history, geog and lit by. WOOT! well i won't really care if i fail those, but i must pass science.

my dearest mother would kill if i didnt. my dad, on the other hand, doesn't seem to care. i told him i got 3 papers back and he's just like "okay" - switch on news - "OH ARSENAL LOST HAHA" and im like SHIT but anyways. mum: "don't you want to know what your daughter got?" dad goes "HUH?! she passed, right? of course lah." then diverts attention back to channel newsasia where they're showing some awfully boring documentary on octopus eating in japan.
it was very amusing.

AHAHA ACHAN'S EMAIL CRACKED ME UP SO BADLY.
" the challenge of breastfeeding" i nearly choked on my pillow prawn crackers. and frankly are we interested in how long the labour was?! i wanna see little matt though. he sounds cute. and achan's gonna be paternal leave, so sweet right? i think paternal leave is like so cute sounding.

waiting impatiently for saturday. going to uncle roy's to play doubles tennis!! woot i never played doubles before, itll be so funny, my dad & me against uncle roy & zhangmei. like my dad and i will lose for sure, but its still gonna rawkass WOOT.

the beef's fried.
the linguine's blaised.
we're set and ready to go.

i was green-ed at 9:43 pm

Wednesday, October 12

guys in dramas are always so very idiotic.

today was/still is stay-at-home, spend-time-with-God-and-myself, quiet-time day.
it actually wasn't/isn't so bad.
once more read a lot of isaiah, its like by far the best book in the bible. for me to read, its like not too dry and stuff, nor too storyish, or full of laws and dictions. i wouldn't call isaiah a book of prophecy if i were the one to decide. its so much better but ahh well.
uhuh, isaiah 53 is SO SO SO GOOD.

ok so on other interesting things. mrs ho sent an email telling me she didn't get my music project so crap it i'm in DEEP SHIT. but ahh well shall make another copy and give it to her friday? monday? dargh.
the exams were horrid, horrid, history killed my hands, maths fried my brain. shan't talk about lit, geog, or science before we all start getting too depressed. my eyes are currently killing me like tearing and hurting and i have not the slightest freakin idea why.

will go for a jog later, haven't been exercising in years. feel like im wasting away staying @ home. its thunderstorming outside, but with very little rain. i love thunder and lightning it makes you feel all fuzzy and warm staying @ home. lol, ok, weird but nvm.

on earth you will have many trials and sorrows; but cheer up, for i have overcome the world.
john 16:33. frankly i don't see what overcoming the world has to do with trials and sorrows. but i suppose the connection is there somewhere i can't see. the point however is that since a lot of people are in angsty or depressed moods, remember ZAT. yep.

and hmph, call me dense, but the eoy post-exam activity thing just plain confuses me. sigh. and oooh yay 'harry' got in wootzies!

dargh my guitar, guzheng and piano have been abandoned for WAAAAAY too long. and so has the use of my legs, arms and etc of which one would normally use when playing sports. hmph. nvm i feel so weird. cuz i've been locked inside that house all the time you hold the key. HAHAHA. ok i need serious updates in the world of muzik. sigh.

and our house has nice flooring! like EVERYONE walking on it is tempted to shuffle along like they're helping us sweep. there's utterly no classy walking with like foot-raising and stepping down poshly. its so funny. but tadlita im crapping again, so ttyl -

i was green-ed at 1:47 pm

Sunday, October 9

no blog today, only lyrics, ahaha, shall blog tomorrow when paradise comes.
the guitar for this song is AWESOME like not too hard and it sounds so pro, lol

i've given up on giving up slowly
i'm blending in so you wont even know me
apart from this whole world that shares my fate

this one bullet that you mention
its my one last shot at redemption
kuz i know to live you must give your life away

[chorus 1]
and i've been housing
all this doubt and insecurity
and i've been locked inside that house
all the while you hold the key
and i've been dying to get out
and that might be the death of me
and even though there's no way
of knowing where to go
i promise i'm going becasue

[chorus 2]
Oooh gotta get outta here
i'm stuck inside this rut that i fell into by mistake
i gotta get outta here
and i'm begging you, i'm begging you,
i'm begging you to be my escape

i've given up on doing this alone now
guess i failed and i'm ready to be shown out
you told me the way and
now im trying to get there

and this life sentence that im serving
i admit that im every bit deserving
but the beauty of grace is that
it makes life not fair

[chorus 1]

Oooh gotta get out of here
kuz i'm afraid that this complacency
is something i can't shake
I gotta get out of here
and i'm begging you, i'm begging you,
i'm begging you to be my escape

i am a hostage to my own humanity
self-detained and forced to live
in this mess I've made
and all I'm asking is for you
to do what you can with me
but i can't ask you to give
what you already gave

[chorus 1]
[chorus 2]

I fought you for so long
I should have let you in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were you
So were you

i was green-ed at 1:35 pm

Thursday, October 6

i've got the time and
i'm wasting it slowly
here in this moment
i'm half-way out the door
onto the next thing,
i'm searching for something that's missing

there's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every
temporary high to satisfy me
cause the more that I'm
trippin' out thinkin'
there must be more to life
well it's life, but I'm sure
there's gotta be more

how old is this song?! so nice though.

aloha, its time to blog again!!

science was depressing lar. i mean studied my ass off for bio right and then the bio questions were ok lor and life sciences i can't do anyway, but i couldnt do the physics questions. practically all of them are undoable. so disappointing, i mean physics is supposed to be my strongest science. BAH. DARGH. i give up. but yay TWO MORE EXAMS TO GO!!!

i have nothing to blog about, i realise.

oh yeah i was reading this puzzle adventure book, used to LURVE it when i was young, there are like mysteries -very simple ones- for you to solve on every page. it was so fun just flipping through it and trying them out. ahaha. mine's the puzzle omnibus it has like SEVEN of them yay itz fun fun fun.

my books are shocking. on the whole i think i prefer my chinese books. like they are less trashy. i have the four classics - THE WHOLE GUWEN VERSIONS, dearie - and a heck lot of other decent good books to read. plus a LOT oF WUXIA YAY!! i still can't borrow from the library. im still not registered as an moe student. how insulting, really.

am using bitcomet to download taiwanese ouxiang pians. they're nice, trashy yes, but very nice. i like them, especially douyu 1 and 2 WOOTZIES great shows my friend. and zhuangqiuxiaozi and all.

history, i shall die. maths, i shall not have time to do. thus, i can celebrate the end of exams already!!

and i can like chuck all my bio books away, hopefully. apparently, achan says the teachers need to DISCUSS my promotion to sec 3. like i'll be kept behind or smth. creeps. i can't be THAT BAD right?! the lit exam was weird. i didn't know how to answer the pbqs. and then crapped for the romantic comedy question. blargh who cares?

i was green-ed at 7:04 pm

Monday, October 3

today was kinda sucky.

firstly its kuz of the bali attacks. it really pissed me off. the terrorists are (profanity here, feel free to fill in the worst word you can think of.) they're cowards. pathetic. why attack weak countries who are unable to help themselves? everytime they attack these countries, it's the other countries helping them. they're defenceless. weak. LEAVE THEM ALONE. im not cursing any country, or hoping that anyone gets terrorised. but why don't the terrorists attack a country which is capable of defencing itself, instead of one that's just gonna fall apart because it's a third world country, has always been one, and seemingly will KEEP ON BEING ONE?

secondly, i can't find my table tennis racquet anywhere. it wasn't exactly cheap so im kinda pissed. i also cannot find my: volleyball, football (soccer) AND basketball. but that's kuz my mum chucked those away. pissedment now i needa slowly save up money.

nextly, english has always been one of my weakest subjects. and yet its always the first exam. it felt good though, crossing it off my list of exams, but there's still six more, so sigh.

my mum understood. she was like, just pass 60 for everything, get into ip, THEN try your best. she's already lowered her expectations by a lot, and i appreciate it, but even then, 60 is NOT easy, esp for english geog and history. cries. and lit will depend a lot on the unseen. i CANNOT do unseen, i just don't get how ppl analyse and break it all up into like, a gazillion microscopic unseeable pieces. bleh.

anyways, on a lighter note, we MOVED!! wootzies, my room looks pretty, I LOVE MY BEANBAG, and the internet finally works. and guess what the problem was? my dad connected in the portal wire into the PHONE connector and the phone into the portal. pah. best of all, my room is actually neat. i'm gonna try keeping it that way for @ least until the end of .... october.

I just realised like how many books i have. and how much crap our family has. we have so many ORNAMENTAL things that are all white elephants of no use.

ELEPHANTS DAMMIT BAD MEMORIES. stupid english compre. like frankly, i am very sick of hearing about extinction of animals, conservation of environment, effect this, effect that, recycle reuse and i forgot the other one. EVERYONE KNOWS. it's just that people don't DO it. and repeating it over and over again doesn't mean ppl are going to start.

blargh. shall try to be cheerful.

i cannot wait until the end of the history exam.
i wanna go everywhere in singapore and try everything i've never tried before.
i wanna cut my hair short.
i wanna eat prawns and crabs and not care about my eczema allergies that will pop up the next day without fail.
i wanna shop in ikea.
i wanna shop anywhere.
i wanna watch every movie that's screening.
i wanna go out on the streets and sing, with either louise/claire/yangzi/rachel/any choir member beside me, of course.
i wanna play tennis, basketball, football, table tennis, badminton, rugby, frisbee, volleyball.
i wanna go camping, trekking, hiking, mountain climbing.
i wanna buy a buncha beanbags to accompany my beanbag (ignore the childishness here).
i wanna switch on rock and techno all day long.
i wanna paint on my wall. maybe i will, but my mum will put mahjong paper up on it first lol.
i wanna play bridge. i wanna play mahjong.
i wanna just sink in my beanbag with a good wuxia book.
or move my beanbag to the tv and watch a wuxia serial.
btw, yes, we STILL don't have a tv.
i wanna hang with everybody in class and 2/12 and rock. woot!!!

i was green-ed at 3:27 pm